porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
