I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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