Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
