you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
