The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
