Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize