Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
