can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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