I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
