oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize