he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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