I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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