dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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