Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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