One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
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