Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
