My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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