I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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