they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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