we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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