I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
