is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
