escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
