Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
