I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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