I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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