Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
