If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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