watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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