New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
