How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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