This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
