Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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