You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize