the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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