She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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