yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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