Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
