Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
