We won't sleep together?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
