new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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