Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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