i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you never un-have a 4some
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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