so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
