his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
