He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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