bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I color on your dick again?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
