I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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