she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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