you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
