in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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