You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
