worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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