Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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