Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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