Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
