I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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