Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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