I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
