you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
