i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
