I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize