Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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