I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
