could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
