He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
