This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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