i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize