Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
